We're Number One..!

UK's GlaxoSmithKline Gains Top Global Accolade

The UK's largest pharmaceutical company, GlaxoSmithKline, was  today acknowledged as the world's largest pharmaceutical corporate criminal, following a $3 billion settlement with the US government.

Shares rose by 1.66% as GSK Chief Executive Andrew Witty accepted the prestigious "Bucket of Money" trophy for pharmaceutical company corporate malfeasance from Pfizer's former CEO, Jeff Kindler.


"Things are certainly going downhill for Pfizer since I was ousted," Mr. Kindler said. "No sooner does it lose its number one slot as the world's largest pharmaceutical company, then it also loses its crown as the world's number one corporate crook to GSK."

"Still, it couldn't go to a more deserving company. GSK's illegal marketing activities make our stunts with Bextra seem like small beer," Mr. Kindler added.

GSK CEO Andrew Witty was modest in his acceptance of the accolade, paying tribute instead to the efforts of GSK's previous CEO, Jean Pierre Garnier.

"This is a significant step toward resolving difficult, long-standing matters which do not reflect the company that we are today," Mr. Witty said. "In recent years, we have fundamentally changed our procedures for compliance, marketing and selling in the US to ensure that we operate with high standards of integrity and that we conduct our business openly and transparently. We reiterate our full commitment to ensuring appropriate promotion of our medicines to health-care professionals and to standards expected by the US government."

Eli Lilly CEO John Lechleiter, (holder of the trophy in 2009, with a $1.5 billion settlement for illegal marketing of anti-depressant Zyprexa) also paid tribute to GSK's long history of illegal behaviour in the US.

"You mustn't forget their recent fines for GMP violations and whistleblower settlements either," he said admiringly.

UK Prime Minister David Cameron was quick to acknowledge GSK's achievements.

"Many people have been saying that this Government have allowed the UK pharmaceutical industry to be completely dismantled and shipped abroad," he said, "but GSK shows that the UK pharmaceutical industry is still a world leader.  Hurrah For England..."

Jean-Pierre Garnier is 64.


GSK's legacy of illegality still continues to haunt them in a spectacularly expensive way.  No regrets, eh, Jean-Pierre...?