Statins also cause increase in house prices, study finds
By A Daily Moron Reporter
Last updated at 10:50 AM from the bar of the Ferret and Scrotum, 1st September 2011
Cholesterol lowering pills taken by millions of Britons can increase house prices, say researchers.
The price of houses belonging to patients prescribed a statin in a trial that ended in 2003 remained higher than those given a dummy drug - even though most participants in both groups have been taking them ever since.
A spokesman for Pfizer, manufacturer of the statin Lipitor – the world’s biggest selling drug, said: “This result is very welcome, given our desperate need to cash in on Lipitor by any means possible before it comes off patent”.
Statin pills: making buckets of money for pharmaceutical companies
'The financial benefits of statins for pharmaceutical companies are well-established, but after long-term follow-up, the most significant effects seems to be on our senior pharmaceutical executive pay.
'It is quite remarkable that even though we’ve not discovered any worthwhile new drugs for the past ten years and are currently dismantling our R&D, our new CEO still gets a huge pay rise.
The Daily Moron has suggested that statins can protect people against death from infectious diseases such as pneumonia. But then it has also recently suggested that statins may cause depression and loss of memory, which is why it should therefore be given to everyone over the age of 55, even though statins can cause diabetes and you may be better off eating cooked tomatoes instead as statins may not prevent heart attacks anyway.
“More research is needed to explain why we publish such inconsistent rubbish on a day-to-day basis,” said one senior Daily Moron executive.
“Current thinking suggests this is due to lazy journalists just making up any old shit to hit their copy deadlines. But as we think our readers are morons anyway, we reckon we can get away with it. Make mine a treble…cheers!”
More highly amusing healthcare bollocks from the UK’s leading real-world scare-sheet
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